Trinity KidsThoughts on kids, family, faith and home.

Hey guys and gals,

Just read a few resources from Mark Holmen, great stuff, check it out here…

11) Children can hide status updates from their parents. If you want to see what your child is doing – log onto their profile.

12) Advertisements are being intergrated into all things technical – youtube, ipods and iphones, websites, etc. The content and devices may be ok, but you don’t know what the advertisements are like.

13) What is unacceptable now, will be acceptable in the coming years. Things that we question will slowly become more and more common. What you say ‘no’ to now, may be taken for granted in two years. That is the trend. One example is Mark Zuckerberg (Founder of Facebook) is advocating that Facebook age restrictions be removed to allow all ages.

14) Your children are watching you and how you use technology

15) Protecting our online identity and personal information is just as important as ‘don’t talk to strangers or get in cars with people you don’t know’. Learn what this means and practice it.

16) Children in Elementary are accessing pornography – at home, at friends, and at school at times. Boys and girls are doing this. Their view of sexuality will be defined by the culture around them if Mom and Dad don’t provide an ongoing conversation of what is right, wrong, why, how, who, when, etc.

17) Our faith has implications on our use of technology. Don’t allow these two things to become disconnected. Not sure what this means? Ask.

18) Not everyone else is ‘doing it’ or ‘has it’. Facebook, cell phones, texting, etc. are not done by everyone. There are lots of kids who aren’t. Find a group of parents who are on the same page, make decisions together, and stick with it. There is power in numbers!

19) The world is different than when we were kids. Kids though are still kids. They do not need technology to play. Technology though, is a form of play. There is a balance in there somewhere.

20) Technology is expensive. There are low cost alternatives to each and every device. Parents don’t have to buy everything either for their kids.

1) You can’t hide your children from technology – it’s everywhere.  You may say ‘no’ to your children but they are able to access technology, the internet, and media at school, the library and at friends houses.   Don’t pretend your children aren’t exposed to it.  This creates an avenue to talk about it.

2) Facebook does not let children on facebook who are 12 and under.  To do this you must lie.

3) You do not need a computer or laptop to access the internet.  Cell phones, TV’s, and video game systems are providing basic access to the internet.  To control access to the internet and monitor it, you need to monitor those devices also now.

4) Technology in schools is great.  It does not mean though the teacher is an expert on technology.  THey are learning as technology changes too.  Dialogue is important about what realistic expectations are for at home and in the class.  I know of one teacher who was advocating using facebook for his grade 5/6 students as a networking tool for the class.  Problem is those children aren’t old enough to have facebook accounts.  Teachers are a great resource for how to use technology in a positive way, but they don’t know everything, and they’re still learning – so give them some patience, dialogue, and work together to use technology effectively at home.

5)  Kid friendly websites can have inappropriate advertising and links to sites that are not as appropriate.  Don’t take these things for granted.

6) Firewalls and Routers and anti-virus software help, but they don’t stop everything.  Don’t hit ‘ok’ every time it comes on the screen.  IF you don’t understand it then don’t click it.

7) Cyber-bullying is real.  Kids are picked on and mocked online.  The difference is everybody can see it, not just two or three people who hear it when it’s said verbally.

Apple does not technically allow pornography into the app store.  That does not mean apps can’t access pornography.  iPod Touches, etc. all can access pornography through web browsers, etc.

9) Video games are not all designed for kids – many of them are designed for adults.

10) iOS apps (iphone, ipod, ipad) that are for kids often allow for kids to make purchases from in the app.  This can get quite expensive  http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/07/AR2011020706073_2.html?sid=ST2011020706437    Learn how to disable in app purchases – Click on the settings app and then tap on ‘general’. From there tap on ‘restrictions’.  Enter a pass code, and select ‘Enable Restrictions’. You can then disable different applications, including ‘in-app purchases’.

Interesting article in the Edmonton Journal today…

http://www.edmontonjournal.com/entertainment/Moms+reign+Canada+role+models+Survey/4616332/story.html

We often share at church that parents are the primary influence in their children’s lives… I’m not sure people always believe me.  With Justin Bieber, Glee, Mily Cyrus, and more always around the corner on media children are exposed too – well don’t we often feel relegated as parents to just being the keepers of order and sanity? This article is a great reminder that parents are still the greatest influence in their children’s lives!   That means what we say matters to our children – no matter what attitude they may give us back.  That means our love matters to our kids – no matter how they try to pull away.    That means our faith matters to our kids – no matter what they say or do.  Parents -we are the greatest influence in the lives of our children.  Let’s take that as a challenge and affirmation and keep moving forward as parents and in nurturing faith at home.

I was sitting in conversation with someone (not from the church – so you won’t be able to guess who!) who part way through the conversation took out his phone and started texting on it while maintaining the conversation. It reminded how guilty we are as adults of not always following the instructions we give to your children. How many of us have told our children to:

1) look someone in the eye when you’re talking to them
2) to pay full attention to the person you are talking about

Isn’t it interesting how technology changes that as we get older? We become distracted by cell phones, laptops, iPads, tv, etc. and our focus becomes divided when we are with our children. Yet, when we want their attention, we want them to pay full attention to us – or else they are being disrespectful. Perhaps we’re not always the most consistent.

Maybe the bigger concern, is what is determining our priorities? Does our technology now set the basis of how and when we can relation to family? Perhaps we need to be a bit better at turning off our tech, and more engaged in how we relate as a family. Technology will come and go – but our famliies are something we can invest in for a lifetime. So perhaps we’re more invested in our technology than we think, and maybe, our kids notice that more than we think. Let’s surprise our kids and show them how to value someone – by giving them our full attention as we play with them and help nurture them and their faith.

At our take it home we talked about the abundance of sexual imagery, violence, etc. that is in our media. Parents often will think that I’m talking about tv shows, music, and video games.

I generally read the newspaper online, and for the Edmonton Sun page they often have a link on the right side of the page listing the popular articles on the Canoe.ca network which is the broader website for the various Sun Media newspapers. Take a look at this picture of that list from today:

Take a look at the themes in the top 10 lists:

1) The top 5 items are all about sex
2) #6 is about drug use (from back in ’91 but still seen as newsworthy!)
3) #8-10 are violence related.
4) Only a few weeks after the Japan earthquake and tsunami, and ongoing nuclear crisis – it does not make the top 10. The day before this was posted an earthquake occurred in Mynamar.

There is nothing wrong with news and engaging in current affairs. What is interesting is what is deemed news, what is popular on the news websites and networks, and the themes and links your children can engage with on those sites. The point being – don’t assume the content, or the links, on a page is appropriate for everyone. Even newspaper webpages are not innocent – they are aimed at an adult demographic and do not take into consideration access by children in their design or implementation.

Would love to hear what your experiences have been with the content you find on different webpages and websites. What are the themes and topics you see that leave you surprised?

I recently read an interesting article on skill development with children. It talks about a ‘shocking’ revelation that kids are more skilled at computers than riding bikes or swimming. You can read the article here:

http://www.techeye.net/internet/more-children-can-use-a-smartphone-than-tie-their-shoelaces

I’m not sure this is a surprise to many. Think about it – we utilize technology to access the outside world. We email people, video chat, facebook, etc. We’ll even watch fireplaces on our TV at Christmas time or watch a bird nesting on a webcam.

There’s also a growing sense of overprotectiveness. Would we let our children go off on a bike ride by themselves? I know I used to go for 1/2 hour to 1 hour bike rides, and I’m not sure I’d let my children do that. Even Strathcona County is recognizing that free play in neighbourhoods has dropped – we guard our children from the risks in the real world.

So here are a few thoughts:
1) Are we as protective of our children online as we are in the real world? Do we guard what they watch on TV, what they access on the internet? Do we have a false sense of security because they are sitting safe in our living room? It’s a worthwhile topic to reflect on.
2) Are our children learning the skills we expect or desire them to learn? Are we taking active steps to ensure our children have broad exposure? Are we being intentional in the development of well rounded individuals?
3) Is this even an issue or just a reflection of changing times?
3) How does this article ring true in your own home? Would love to hear some thoughts about it in the comments…

So Facebook is a great communication tool and can be lots of fun. It can also eat up lots of time and share personal information with people you were not expecting. As adults this is dangerous, for children even more so. Below is a video showing how to set the facebook privacy settings. The video is about a year old and there have been changes since then – but it’s a great start, and once you’re in there you can look around and see what other settings you want to use. Below the video are some other thoughts on ensuring privacy on facebook.

Other privacy ideas:
1) discuss clear guidelines about what are appropriate and inappropriate things to say on Facebook

2) Review your child’s profile on a regular basis. While some will disagree, I believe parents should have access to their child’s password for their facebook account. Children are computer savvy and may figure out how to set access limits for parents – parental access to that account is a great level of accountabilty and way to ensure privacy is setup right.

3) Develop healthy communication with your children – it’s not always easy but nurturing clear communication about life is helpful. The more children are willing and able to talk to you, the less you’ll have to go to facebook to find out what your child is thinking. Beyond that, children who are sharing life with their parents and have open honest discussions won’t find the same need to post those personal items on facebook as an attempt to reach out. This type of communication between parents and kids leads to healthier families and can be started at any age. The younger you start though, the easier it will be.

You might be wondering why we’re talking about Facebook today. The age limit of 13 and older for facebook would make this topic for parents of youth, not children. The reality is that some kids will already have facebook profiles – registering is based on the honour system and it’s not hard to lie and cheat to get on. Other children are on facebook, but the parents either are unaware of the age limit or are not concerned with it.

So the time to get informed is now! the video below will give you some tips on navigating through facebook and understanding it. Take some time and watch it, and then I’ll share some thoughts on it.

My thoughts…

1) I think Facebook has become a common form of communication just as email and the phone. It’s a part of our culture and many families are on it. I think parents needs to be informed. The best way is to have your own facebook page. As your children begin to become old enough and you allow them to go on facebook, having your own profile you can add your children’s friends to your profile (perhaps a rule could be for those starting on facebooks is that to friend your child, they need to friend you) and then you can see and read what they are up to, what their interests are, and what they are like. Not a bad way of staying in contact.

2) Facebook is not evil. There is a lot of good on facebook but there are concerns as well. Don’t assume anything is safe, and don’t assume anything is bad. Make informed decisions and discuss them with your children.

3) Model a healthy use of facebook for your children. If your child sees you on facebook more than they see your face that might not be the right balance in life!

So those are some initial thoughts… what are your thoughts? What are some good rules for facebook as families? How do you use facebook? What are your concerns about it?

The next blog post will look at Facebook security settings and how to set those up properly.

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Miley Cyrus has been in the forefront of media for a number of years. The daughter of a famous country singer, she has surpassed her father both on the screen and on stage. Miley has done double duty being Hannah Montana and also herself. Hannah Montana though has grown up. The past years have been saturated with stories about Miley and a number of her peers as they ‘come of age’.

Miley has repeatedly made poor choices leaving her targeted by the press. Her poor choices though are also seen by the younger children who look to her as a role model. The young Hannah Montana has become highly sexualized on and off the stage. This though really isn’t that new, but it is background for the point.
The other week, Miley Cyrus hosted Saturday Night Live and opened up the show with a song called “Sorry I’m not Perfect”. The general theme of the song was that Miley hadn’t stolen items, wasn’t driving drunk, and making sex tapes – don’t those things seem worse than what she’s done? Sorry I’m not perfect.
One of the biggest challenges of our exposure to media and technology is the overwhelming mass of information that is available. Not only are we privy to every mistake by a celebrity, the lines between right and wrong become blurred. Miley’s song “Sorry I’m not Perfect” makes that perfectly clear – it’s not an issue if what she did was wrong, it was whether it’s as bad as what other people have done.

We can shake our heads and say that’s just unfortunate, but what other outcome for the world is there when there is so much information accessible and it doesn’t all make sense. How can we find ‘truth’ on the internet with so many perspectives? The only option is to see everything as relative.
There’s more information to add to the picture. There are families, parents, friends who are part of how we determine what is true. Strong relationships with parents, extended family, and quality friends can shape how we see the world. Even that is not enough to help us really understand truth. God’s Word, prayer, a relationship with Christ are foundational to how we see the world. With the onslaught of information it seems the Bible and Christ become two more things to incorporate and end up thrown into the mix. What if our faith was the lense through which we saw media, technology, and family? What if our faith informed our choices and decisions? What if our faith recognized Jesus as the way, the truth and the life. Maybe then with that foundation, as families we could make better choices. Maybe then as families, we could speak that truth into the culture and the world.

In our culture we know information is 24/7. It’s hard to unplug. Some may question whether the Bible can speak into that sort of culture. The secret is – there’s always something that is there in our lives 24/7. It may be technology now, but for others it is music, or others it is work. Somehow whatever is taking over our life, whether now or ten years ago, that shapes our view of truth. There’s a word for when this happens in scripture – when something other than God becomes our primary focus or consumes most of our energy – the word is idol. Scripture has much to say about creating idols and placing them before God. Rather than point out the negative side of idols, let’s be reminded of a scripture that calls us to nurture our faith in our homes in a way that overshadows any idols and keeps us grounded in the truth.
We read in Deuteronomy 6:

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.[a] 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

This is a call to let God permeate our lives in all ways and so our children will know who God is. What we model, what we do, should all point to the truth of who God is. Whether walking on a road or surfing the web, whether talking about them when sitting at home or chatting on a cell phone – I hope and pray that we keep the truth of God – that the Lord our God is One , central in our lives.
May we love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our strength.
Mike Engbers
Associate Pastor