Trinity KidsThoughts on kids, family, faith and home.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this on here before, but there’s a great site called www.whattheyplay.com which gives parents information on all the different videos games and platforms available for gaming. It’s a fantastic resource for parents… I really encourage you as a parent to take a look!

One of the interesting observations of technology and our culture, is that the more common the technology becomes, the more it trickles down to younger and younger children. The use of computers and cell phones are two examples. There are children who are age 8 carrying around cell phones – a big change from five years ago! The ipad is another device that has lowered the age range of technology. There are some great applications for children who are toddlers or infants out there!

Facebook is another one of those ‘things’ that we’ve seen the perception and acceptability for children becoming more and more normal. One survey sees as many as 5 million children under the age of 10 who are on facebook. All it takes is a lie about ages to make the account active.

While this has been going on, Facebook has held to their age policy – but this weekend Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg caused a stir with a recommendation that children under 13 should be allowed to join social networking sites. Here’s an article about it:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/228348/kids_under_13_are_already_allowed_on_facebook.html

Now, to be fair Zuckerberg has come back and said they are not opening up facebook to children under age 13… here’s the article on that – I’d encourage you to read it and get a sense of why they won’t open it up… yet:

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/25/us-facebook-zuckerberg-idUSTRE74O5L020110525

The reason is not because of right/wrong but because it is too difficult with existing regulations. The complexity of protecting children is the limiting factor — however if regulations change, or they can find a simpler way to deal with regulations, we should expect a policy change.

Now there are a lot of redeeming factors with facebook – it connects family, it could be used for education, and encourages social interaction – but as families our boundaries should not be determined by changable policies. The facebook age limit is 13 – but what is your family’s age limit?

Things change – perhaps your view of facebook will change for better or for worse – the point is that as families we need to be engaged in our culture, and make decisions and set boundaries – not let the world set them for us. The benefit of this is not just keeping a young child off of facebook, but re-establishing mom and dad as the guides for growing up, not the internet and the culture around us.

11) Children can hide status updates from their parents. If you want to see what your child is doing – log onto their profile.

12) Advertisements are being intergrated into all things technical – youtube, ipods and iphones, websites, etc. The content and devices may be ok, but you don’t know what the advertisements are like.

13) What is unacceptable now, will be acceptable in the coming years. Things that we question will slowly become more and more common. What you say ‘no’ to now, may be taken for granted in two years. That is the trend. One example is Mark Zuckerberg (Founder of Facebook) is advocating that Facebook age restrictions be removed to allow all ages.

14) Your children are watching you and how you use technology

15) Protecting our online identity and personal information is just as important as ‘don’t talk to strangers or get in cars with people you don’t know’. Learn what this means and practice it.

16) Children in Elementary are accessing pornography – at home, at friends, and at school at times. Boys and girls are doing this. Their view of sexuality will be defined by the culture around them if Mom and Dad don’t provide an ongoing conversation of what is right, wrong, why, how, who, when, etc.

17) Our faith has implications on our use of technology. Don’t allow these two things to become disconnected. Not sure what this means? Ask.

18) Not everyone else is ‘doing it’ or ‘has it’. Facebook, cell phones, texting, etc. are not done by everyone. There are lots of kids who aren’t. Find a group of parents who are on the same page, make decisions together, and stick with it. There is power in numbers!

19) The world is different than when we were kids. Kids though are still kids. They do not need technology to play. Technology though, is a form of play. There is a balance in there somewhere.

20) Technology is expensive. There are low cost alternatives to each and every device. Parents don’t have to buy everything either for their kids.

Came across this interesting article about how parents are letting their daughters dress and who is responsible for the sexualization of youth today…

http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/04/19/granderson.children.dress/index.html?hpt=T2

Let me know what you think!

Mike

It is so easy in our world to look around see sin.  When the lifestyle of a person is counter to what we expect or what we value we will label a person a non-Christian.  In some ways it makes us feel better about ourselves – perhaps even superior.   The line is not always so clear.

In 2001 a young woman, 16 years old, named Katy Hudson splashed onto the Christian music scene with her first album.   With songs such as “Trust in Me” and “Faith Won’t Fail” the messages were clear and reflective of the truth we proclaim.  She was lauded by some as gifted and talented.  It was exciting to have another young Christian artist. 

You may not have heard of Katy Hudson.  She only released that one album before she switched, while still 16, to the mainstream pop music.  Isn’t that great?  A chance for Christ to be shone into the mainstream media in the same way artists like Jars of Clay and Michael W. Smith have.   It didn’t quite work that way.

You may not have heard of Katy Hudson because her name was changed when she went secular.  Our culture knows about her as Katy Perry.   An artist you is immensely popular and influential with teens.   Some of her new songs are ‘I kissed a Girl’, ‘Waking up in Vegas’, and ‘UR so Gay’. 

What is my point with this?   Our culture is not ‘us’ versus ‘them’.  It’s not Christian versus Non-Christian.  It’s not somebody else’s child who goes astray – it is a child.  It could be your child, or my child, or someone else’s child.  It is a child. 

No matter how hard we try we cannot fully protect our children from media or hide them from it.   We cannot prevent a child from going astray.  We can be intentional in realizing we only have a finite amount of time to influence our children.  We can realize that teaching discernment is just as (more?) important as teaching strict rules.  We can realize that faith is not inherited, it is a choice made by each person and we can’t force it on our children, but can lead them towards it and nurture it.   We can realize that the story of the prodigal son is not hypothetical, but one lived out each day in our culture by someone, and it could be you or me.  

We can also realize that God’s grace is not seperated from the rest of the world, but there for each person to freely receive and God loves each person in this world – after all He created them.  He desires to lead each person back to Him.  For God there is no Christian or Non-Christian distinction – there are only His children and within that there are those who choose to follow and those who stray.  Our goal is to help each child realize the love of God for them, and help them to focus and receive the love and grace offered in Christ – no matter who they are, or what they do, or what they become in life.

We just catalogued some new resources in the Book Patch for parents that may interest you on the topics of children and sexuality.   The descriptions provided are from the publisher.  Here are the new books:

Hooked: New Science on how Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children

Society tells us that sex is an act of self-expression, a personal choice for physical pleasure that can be summed up in the ubiquitous phrase “hooking up.” Millions of American teenagers and young adults are finding that the psychological baggage of such behaviour is having a real and lasting impact on their lives. They are discovering that “hooking up” is the easy part, but “unhooking” from the bonds of a sexual relationship can have serious consequences.

A practical look into new scientific research showing how sexual activity causes the release of brain chemicals which then result in emotional bonding and a powerful desire to repeat the activity. This book will help parents and singles understand that “safe sex” isn”t safe at all; that even if they are protected against STDs and pregnancy, they are still hurting themselves and their partner.

Where Do Babies Come From? Girls’ edition   ages 7-9

Why Boys & Girls Are Different– for girls Ages 4 to 6

How You Are Changing: Girls’ Edition  ages 10-12

The changes that occur to preteens can be very traumatic. The girls’ edition of How You Are Changing? explains that these changes are normal and are a part of God’s unfolding plan for their growth and development. In a positive and Christ-centered manner, the third book in the updated and revised “Learning About Sex” series helps parents communicate honestly and accurately with their daughters about sex. Using age-appropriate text and pictures, the book enables preteens to recognize gender differences as one of God’s great gifts designed as part of His creation plan.

How You Are Changing: Boys’ Edition ages 10-12

The changes that occur to preteens can be very traumatic. The boys’ edition of How You Are Changing? explains that these changes are normal and are a part of God’s unfolding plan for their growth and development. In a positive and Christ-centered manner, the third book in the updated and revised “Learning About Sex” series helps parents communicate honestly and accurately with their sons about sex. Using age-appropriate text and pictures, the book enables preteens to recognize gender differences as one of God’s great gifts designed as part of His creation plan.

How to Talk Confidently with Your Child About Sex: Fifth Edition

You want your children to know your wishes and God’s plan for their sexuality, but today’s movies, music and books often lead them in the wrong direction. The updated and revised fifth edition of How to Talk Confidently with Your Child about Sex helps you find the right words to ensure that your children have a Christ-centered understanding of one of God’s most precious gifts. Whether you have a son or daughter, this book enables you to point them in the right direction.

Sex and the New You: Boys’ Edition ages 13-15

The guys’ edition of Sex & the New You helps guys build confidence as they begin to mature both physically and psychologically. In a positive and Christ-centered manner, the fourth book in the updated and revised “Learning About Sex” series helps parents communicate honestly and accurately with their sons about sex. Using age-appropriate text and pictures, the book enables teens to recognize gender differences as one of God’s great gifts designed as part of His creation plan.

Sex and the New You: Girls’ Edition age 13 – 15

The gals’ edition of Sex & the New You helps gals build confidence as they begin to mature both physically and psychologically. In a positive and Christ-centered manner, the fourth book in the updated and revised “Learning About Sex” series helps parents communicate honestly and accurately with their daughters about sex. Using age-appropriate text and pictures, the book enables teens to recognize gender differences as one of God’s great gifts designed as part of His creation plan.

So Facebook is a great communication tool and can be lots of fun. It can also eat up lots of time and share personal information with people you were not expecting. As adults this is dangerous, for children even more so. Below is a video showing how to set the facebook privacy settings. The video is about a year old and there have been changes since then – but it’s a great start, and once you’re in there you can look around and see what other settings you want to use. Below the video are some other thoughts on ensuring privacy on facebook.

Other privacy ideas:
1) discuss clear guidelines about what are appropriate and inappropriate things to say on Facebook

2) Review your child’s profile on a regular basis. While some will disagree, I believe parents should have access to their child’s password for their facebook account. Children are computer savvy and may figure out how to set access limits for parents – parental access to that account is a great level of accountabilty and way to ensure privacy is setup right.

3) Develop healthy communication with your children – it’s not always easy but nurturing clear communication about life is helpful. The more children are willing and able to talk to you, the less you’ll have to go to facebook to find out what your child is thinking. Beyond that, children who are sharing life with their parents and have open honest discussions won’t find the same need to post those personal items on facebook as an attempt to reach out. This type of communication between parents and kids leads to healthier families and can be started at any age. The younger you start though, the easier it will be.

Lately I’ve noticed how many places are asking for tips.  Sometimes it may be a tip jar, but I’ve noticed quite a few quick service (A.k.a. Fast food) are adding the option when you pay using a card.  At some point tips went from being a statement of appreciation to being an expectation.   Or how about standing ovations?  It seems each and every performance is now concluded by everyone standing, clapping, and awaiting an encore.

I’m glad people are generous with their thankfulness, but I begin to wonder whether  these gestures have any meaning anymore.  What were once a means to express a deeper level of thanks and appreciation have become routine.  Has gratuity become meaningless?  Do we take ‘thanksgiving’ for granted? 

Being thankful should call us to a response out of the ordinary.Even though we are called to always give thanks,  thanksgiving should still interrupt our routine, not just be a routine. When we give thanks for a relationship whether it be friends or our children or our spouses – how we respond with thanksgiving should impact those relationships. Thanksgiving should also affect our relationship with God.

In scripture we read:
Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works!
                                  —Psalm 105:1-2

I love what this passage calls us to do in giving thanks – to make known his deeds among the peoples, to tell of his wondrous works.  How often do we express that sort of thanksgiving for God?

What if we actually did what that passage talks about?  What if we took the time, to share with friends and family, neighbours and coworkers, the things we are thankful for.  Imagine if we shared with them what we are grateful for in our marriages and in our families and what we’re thankful for God doing.  That changes relationships.  It changes how people view us, how people view God, and how we view ourselves and our families. 

It’s too easy to share frustrations, hurts, and issues.  There needs to be a time and place for that yet sometimes we forget to be thankful for what we do have. We see this with children as they play with an abundance of toys, and we become dismayed as parents that our children fail to show thanks for all they have.   Perhaps that is a lesson learned from us – we need to show them thanksgiving as a way of life.  We need to let our thankfulness interrupt our day and change how we view ourselves and the world around us.  We need our children to see us being a people of thanksgiving.

On that note, I am very grateful for each family at Trinity – for your unique gifts and skills and personalities.  I’m thankful for what God is doing in and through you.  I realize the journey is not always easy, but we are thankful that you are following God on that journey.

Welcome to the TrinityKids blog.  We’ll be posting thoughts and ideas on children, family faith, and about how we can live out our faith in our community.  We’ll also have multiple bloggers including the Children and Family ministry staff at Trinity and other families as they live out faith in their lives.